It’s A Pleasure
I’m fine with my vibrator, but this can’t be healthy, right?
Q:So where do I start?
Let’s go backwards.
He said he found them attractive and that I was the one who introduced them to him.
We haven’t had sex in almost three years.
Now, I’m fine with my vibrator, but this can’t be healthy.
What do I do?
And it absolutely, 1,000% is an issue.
But the issue is so much bigger than that.
Its unfortunately rare to createa good, healthy relationshipout of a disrespectful and dishonest one.
Its just… super hard.
Not because you two are bad people.
Not because youre a fool for being with him.
But because the patterns are set and are not working for either of you on a really deep level.
This isnt me trying to tell you that all hope is lost or that your life is doomed.
In fact, I have so much hope for you beyond this relationship.
And if you dont do something, the pain will continue.
Either youll have to experience the anguish of abreakupor youll have to do the uphill work to fix this.
I guarantee that there is better stuff on the other side of where youre at right now, though.
So I urge you to start making moves to leave this relationship.
(Not right away.
Give yourself time to heal first.)
If you leave, spend time on yourself and with yourself.
Be curious about why you put up with this jot down of love from someone.
Lets start with the small and then work our way to the big stuff.
Furthermore, him suggesting that its not your business is egregious!
Its absolutely your business that the relationship is malfunctioning on a sexual level.
Again, ina healthy, open, communicative relationship, watching porn on vacation isnt some red flag!
Nor is it a behavior your partner needs to monitor!
But during an anniversary celebration after you two havent had sex in years, its banana pancakes!!!
I mean, my guy!
What are you doing???
OK, lets say that the trip was a slip-up and his reaction then was bad-bad-bad, but unusual.
Hes done this before!
Yikes, yikes, yikes.
And thenheblamedyoufor this????
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sorry to use all caps, but we are all fuming right now reading what you wrote.
Blaming someone for your poor treatment of them is classic abuser behavior.
I mean, thats how ridiculous this man sounds.
And then, on top of this, you two arent having any sex!
No one ever owes anyone sex not even their partner!
No one owes anyone sex!
Just saying it again so its clear.
But its very reasonable to leave a relationship where your partner has no interest in having sex with you.
I do not care if hes addicted to porn or not.
He could have tried individual and couples therapy with you.
He could have done anything other than blame you and ignore you.
I dont see whateitherof you two are getting out of this relationship emotionally or sexually.
I dont know your circumstances, so perhaps youre getting a lot financially or culturally or socially.
And those things do matter.
But I really dont see how either of you are happy in this situation.
Love and happiness certainly arent the same thing, and Im not sure you two have either right now.
You deserve so much more.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
source: www.bustle.com
